Well, to be completely fucking honest, i wish you were here.

Every time I answer the phone, this thought rings in my head.  It screams out at me loudly.  Say it say it.  But all that comes out is hurt, he thinks it is because of the passing of my grandfather, part is, but the main part is that he is not here with me.  I am alone.  I have no one to comfort me.  All I got was a quick 20 minutes while I was crying and a phone call for me to my boss.  The next words were telling me to stop crying because my neighbors will be calling the cops thinking I am dying.  Wow, what comfort!  Yea, that would come from my boyfriend’s mouth, from his mind.  It has been a rough few days for me, very awkward.  Death always is, along with other emotions.  I wish he was here to rub my shoulders, to pull me close and say everything will be alright.  I know it will be but it is nice to have someone to turn to when you feel like your world has stopped spinning.  I cannot say that he is all bad.  He is doing me the huge favor of taking care of my responsibilities while I am home mourning with my family, but would I not do the same for him?  He did do the laundry this week but, I do the laundry by myself every week.  What bothers me the most is that he could have been here.  I know it would have been a struggle, but is that not what you do for the people you love when you need them?  I need him so much right now and he has no idea.  All I want to do is cry my eyes out in his arms, but he is being himself, doing what he wants, like always.